The air seemed to thicken around the two of them, and although Anya on the outside looked unaffected, she felt a sudden heat rush through her entire body as she listened to Donovan speak, and as she felt him creep closer. He was definitely a man who believed in love, even if it had seemed to cause him so much pain. But for Anya, she had never experienced it in a way that made sex intertwine with emotions. Perhaps she was just fantastic at keeping things separate, or maybe she just hadn’t been looking hard enough for a person who might give her that. If she had known Donovan better she might have suggested to herself that he seemed to be a willing volunteer, but then again, she wasn’t quite sure she wanted a serious relationship like that. With sex she could control things, well, as well as anyone could. She was able to enjoy it, and not get attached to the person, just the feeling. If she ever opened herself up enough, she knew she would be a goner to most men that she slept with, but her work was always the most important aspect of her life, and she didn’t want to risk it for something as silly as love. “Zee only sing I have felt ven having sex, Bailey, eez the complete bliss zat eez experienced during an orgasm.” She said the words calmly, and in almost a detached sort of way. Her and Donovan might be similar in some aspects, but in this one they couldn’t be further apart.
As he started speaking again, she took another swig of firewhiskey, and listened intently. Noticing very quickly that this time he seemed determined not to meet her eyes. He was embarrassed, she realized, and his cheeks and neck were more red than usual. It was cute, a bit of a turn on as well. He was confident, but he had many boundaries as well that he seemed intent on not crossing. “Bailey, I sink you have a problem, and don’t take zis zee vrong vay, but you love too easily and too strongly. If just zose sings could make you love someone, zen vhy eez love considered special at all? Een theory a person could love every seengle person at once, or maybe every ozer day. I sought love vas supposed to be an instant click of realization. Vat eez zee point of somesing zat can so easily happen, and can so easily be changed?” She looked into his eyes as he continued to speak, and her heart rate picked up. She had a gut feeling that those words were direct towards her, not not just women in general this time. “I don’t sink I could fall een love vith anyone even if I vanted to.” Her words were confident, and honest, and although she might not have sounded upset over the realization, she could feel her heart aching a bit. The truth was, Anya wasn’t sure that she was capable of loving another person.
Donovan chuckled lightly, sitting back a little and creating more space between them. It was hard enough to be near Anya when he was completely sober; the amount of respect and, frankly, adoration that he had for her had been dangerous even before he’d picked up a drink, but now it was almost too hard to refrain from doing something he knew that he would regret. She was absolutely right about him, though he wasn’t surprised. Anya had always seemed like a woman who knew more than he could have guessed, especially when it came to reading people. She was sharp, and that was yet another thing that pulled him to her. As much as he didn’t want her calling him out on the personality defects he was already well aware of, there was something alluring about the fact that she wasn’t afraid to do just that. He wondered how she always kept it together so well when at times it seemed like he was one wrong step from falling completely apart. He had half a mind to ask her just that, but even he hadn’t had enough to drink for that line of conversation. Discussing sex was bad enough, ever time the word brushed past her lips in that maddening accent he nearly lost it, but even that was better than going down the “deep” road.
After a moment he caught her eye, nodding his head. “You’re absolutely right,” he said, wondering if she had expected him to argue. It was no secret that the two were very different in their opinions and personalities, but Donovan wasn’t one to fight when he knew the other person was right. “I do love too easily, and maybe I’m not doing it right at all. It wouldn’t seem so, considering where it’s got me.” He considered taking another drink but then thought better of it, knowing any more and he would be crawling back to his bed that night and incapable of doing any proper work in the morning with the headache that would plague him. “But I don’t think you completely understood,” Shifting in his seat, Donovan managed to stand up, steadying himself by placing one hand on the bar until his eyes could focus on her and the room stopped spinning. “All I meant was that I think it’s possible to fall in love with anyone if you know them well enough, if you saw the person they really were without all the walls and the excuses and the lies.” In a bold move, one he regretted almost instantly but didn’t revoke, Donovan placed his hands at her waist, guiding her off of the stool to stand in the small space with him. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t like that moment of mutual realization though, if it were the right girl.” He found himself incapable of looking away from her, and without thinking he moved one of his hands to hold hers. “You might not be able to fall in love, but I imagine that you know how to dance?” A warm smile tugged at his lips, and Donovan felt more alive than he could ever remember as he stood so closely to her with their bodies touching. As the song on the bar radio changed, he bent down a little to speak closer to her ear. “May I have the honor, miss?” He was certainly drunk, and most of the hard work he had put into distancing himself from her and any other girl was going to waste just then, but he found himself incapable of caring as his veins were filled with Firewhiskey and his eyes filled with her.